Quotable sayings....................

[bohuntr]

I have a buddy who says: " My wife says having s*x with me is like a ride at Disneyland ... it's over real quick, and when it's done she wants to throw up!!!"

  Bumper sticker: "What if the Hookie Pokie is what it's all about?"

[fatman]

My wife keeps her eyes closed when we make love;  she can't stand to see me havin' a good time....

[bohuntr]

By the way Legolas, I love that quote. I am definitely going to repeat it to my wife later. That is ... as long as I am not already in trouble for doing something stupid ...again!  

[Legolas]

[wollelybugger]

It was so cold out I had to back up to pee.
Why do farts stink, so deaf people can enjoy them too.
Slicker than pelican snout.
Dry as a popcorn fart.
Half a bubble off.
Shiverin like a dog s----- razor blades.
Hotter than a fox in a forest fire.
You are only walkin in the woods half way and then you are walking out.

[Boswell]

Remember, rough seas make a great captain

An Oak tree started out as a nut that held its ground

The American Indians found out what happens when you don't control immigration.

Watching those hunting shows is a little like reading Playboy. Those big racks are out there but they're few and far between, easier to spot than to get one of your own, and if you do get one, it usually costs quite a bit to mount it

[suzie_shooter]

the field mouse is fast, but the owl sees at night.

[Paul/KS]

"It's better to be lucky than smart."

Captain Legnos, SS LNG Libra

Heard that waaaay too many times when I was working on that ship...  :rolleyes:

[TonyW]

Beware the fury of a patient man

[EIGHTWGT]

"Hunt like the owl, move only your head and your eyes"

[waknstak IL]

My Father used to say " If that boy was any more lazy, they'd have to put Kittens under his arms to breath for him."

[waknstak IL]

"does a fat baby fart?"  My friend Clyde

[crookedwoody]

i may not be much,but i'm all you've got.{my wife}
yeah,but it sure flew good.[my friend mark after a missed shot]

[SCATTERSHOT]

"If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman to hear, is he still wrong?"

[kodiakkid]

If I tell ya a chicken can plow, don't question me, just hook him up.

[Legolas]

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

[jdemoya]

Legolas, you just did me in! :-) If you get a letter from a lawyer in KY it is my wife suing you for wrongful death. LOL

Where in heavens have I been living all these years? That is what I call oneliners!

God bless,

Jose

[Corvus]

Okay here's mine,
 Better they wonder why your quiet, than wonder why your talking.
Hate to say it but Dad gave that advise to me. Wonder why?
Corvus.

[pine nut]

"I'm so broke I can't even pay attention"
"I'm so broke I'd have to fart to even have a cent in my pocket."

[snag]

I forgot the "pay attention" one...I have always liked that one too Pine Nut...good one!