Things you never want to hear (from your outfitter/guide)

1) Was on a pig / javelina hunt in South Texas years ago with 5 other guys. When we met the outfitter the first thing he said was "boys, there sure are a lot of rabbits on the ranch this year!!! Needless to say, not many piggies were seen.

2) My brother was on a guided elk hunt in Idaho a few years back, no elk were seen or heard for the first 4 days. On day 5 the guide asked my brother  "what do you think we should do today?"

3) Was on a turkey hunt with my pal this spring. Listened to countless stories of how many turkeys were around his place for months before the hunt. On the third day of hunt with no turkeys seen or heard he turned to me and said "I'm perplexed"

Got any good ones??

Riding into an elk drop camp one of the hands confided that none of their drop camps had taken a bull or cow in three years.
We broke that streak.

Hearing less than a week before my scheduled trip to Zambia for Cape Buffalo that my safari outfitter (once greatly respected, but now out of business) had "forgotten" to send in the paperwork for my firearms importation.  I know it's not archery related, but relevant.

Good thing that I had a PH friend in South Africa that I could spend the 10 days with plains game hunting and checking out possible bowhunting concessions in Botswana.  Thank goodness for Plan B (still haven't gotten by deposit back on Buff hunt - check is in the mail, yada, yada       ).

Went on a hog hunt a couple of years ago in Texas; the rancher told us that he was covered up in pigs, and we should have our pick of lots of pigs.
When we showed up, the guy was already apologizing; seems that the pigs had moved out just the week before we arrived. Out of 5 hunters, we took one armadillo, but were also blessed with numerous ticks. No pigs were seen, heard, or smelled.

a whitetail hunt in kentucky the "guide" took me with him to scout ........ he told me "jim bob " saw a real nice one right over there 2 years ago.

not a good feeling ..... needless to say it was a bust .

he promised to invite us back the next year for a free hunt ...... never heard from him again  

While shooting woodchucks with a buddy of mine near his camp.  "Be careful over here. The landowner is real funny about people on his land."  Needless to say, I don't hunt with him anymore.

How about showing up for a  hunt. when you arrive the outfitter asks, "can I help you fella's?"

To go on an expensive guided hunt to only notice the state game land sign on the tree where your stand is,,,   :confused:

The State of Missouri Department of Conservation saying they will not share information about where we are having hog problems because they don't want hunters trying to hunt them because they'll push them causing them to scatter.

God bless,Mudd

PS: There is a standing "Kill on sight" policy in Missouri.

Went on a guided hunt with my papa and when we get there our guide precedes to tell is about how two guys that came the week before us had been hunting with no regards to the wind direction in pursuit of one particular monster that was there. Needless to say they didn't kill that week and we didn't kill the following except for a doe I managed to shoot second to last day. It was my first trad kill though! Luckily there were lots of pheasants around too!

Guy in camp killed a small fork horn and the guide talking about what a great buck it was, "How are you going mount it" The place was a complete bust.

A few years ago I ran an ad in the Colo Bowhunter magazine:-------------------------------
        ASHTON GUIDE SERVICE
 All my life I've been hearing  "You should have been here last week!"
So,,,Hire me to go to hunt your spot, the week after you plan to go... that will guarantee your success!!
Also available for fishing trips and swim suit optional beaches!
-------------------------------------

In Buenos Aires about to catch a commuter flight for a stag hunt when we notice all of the flights are delayed, and then canceled. We ask the gate attendent, and she nonchalantly replied "they are on strike"

We had to walk out on the tarmac and find all of our hunting gear strewn amoung countless other bags. TOTAL mess

 Thats good Joe.

"Dude, the boat is not that big.   If your bow was here we would see it".  And I never did see it again.

this is funny. i like this thread

Joe, Great!! Did you have any takers??? lol Brant  it fell over board!! We're gonna need a bigger boat. LOL Great tread

Hey Brant,,,was the captain of that boat named Quint?? LOL,,,Great thread!!

Hey Brant,,,was the captain of that boat named Quint?? LOL,,,Great thread!!

Hope my pal Deathwind gets on this thread and tells his story of a cape buff hunt in Africa.  I would hate to tell his story instead of him but it sure fits here! Maybe a bit later.......