Things you never want to hear (from your outfitter/guide)
1) Was on a pig / javelina hunt in South Texas years ago with 5 other guys. When we met the outfitter the first thing he said was "boys, there sure are a lot of rabbits on the ranch this year!!! Needless to say, not many piggies were seen.
2) My brother was on a guided elk hunt in Idaho a few years back, no elk were seen or heard for the first 4 days. On day 5 the guide asked my brother "what do you think we should do today?"
3) Was on a turkey hunt with my pal this spring. Listened to countless stories of how many turkeys were around his place for months before the hunt. On the third day of hunt with no turkeys seen or heard he turned to me and said "I'm perplexed"
Got any good ones??
Riding into an elk drop camp one of the hands confided that none of their drop camps had taken a bull or cow in three years.
We broke that streak.
Hearing less than a week before my scheduled trip to Zambia for Cape Buffalo that my safari outfitter (once greatly respected, but now out of business) had "forgotten" to send in the paperwork for my firearms importation. I know it's not archery related, but relevant.
Good thing that I had a PH friend in South Africa that I could spend the 10 days with plains game hunting and checking out possible bowhunting concessions in Botswana. Thank goodness for Plan B (still haven't gotten by deposit back on Buff hunt - check is in the mail, yada, yada :dunno: ).
Went on a hog hunt a couple of years ago in Texas; the rancher told us that he was covered up in pigs, and we should have our pick of lots of pigs.
When we showed up, the guy was already apologizing; seems that the pigs had moved out just the week before we arrived. Out of 5 hunters, we took one armadillo, but were also blessed with numerous ticks. No pigs were seen, heard, or smelled.
a whitetail hunt in kentucky the "guide" took me with him to scout ........ he told me "jim bob " saw a real nice one right over there 2 years ago.
not a good feeling ..... needless to say it was a bust .
he promised to invite us back the next year for a free hunt ...... never heard from him again :help:
While shooting woodchucks with a buddy of mine near his camp. "Be careful over here. The landowner is real funny about people on his land." Needless to say, I don't hunt with him anymore.
How about showing up for a hunt. when you arrive the outfitter asks, "can I help you fella's?"
To go on an expensive guided hunt to only notice the state game land sign on the tree where your stand is,,, :confused:
The State of Missouri Department of Conservation saying they will not share information about where we are having hog problems because they don't want hunters trying to hunt them because they'll push them causing them to scatter.
God bless,Mudd
PS: There is a standing "Kill on sight" policy in Missouri.
Went on a guided hunt with my papa and when we get there our guide precedes to tell is about how two guys that came the week before us had been hunting with no regards to the wind direction in pursuit of one particular monster that was there. Needless to say they didn't kill that week and we didn't kill the following except for a doe I managed to shoot second to last day. It was my first trad kill though! Luckily there were lots of pheasants around too!
Guy in camp killed a small fork horn and the guide talking about what a great buck it was, "How are you going mount it" The place was a complete bust.
A few years ago I ran an ad in the Colo Bowhunter magazine:-------------------------------
ASHTON GUIDE SERVICE
All my life I've been hearing "You should have been here last week!"
So,,,Hire me to go to hunt your spot, the week after you plan to go... that will guarantee your success!!
Also available for fishing trips and swim suit optional beaches!
-------------------------------------
In Buenos Aires about to catch a commuter flight for a stag hunt when we notice all of the flights are delayed, and then canceled. We ask the gate attendent, and she nonchalantly replied "they are on strike"
We had to walk out on the tarmac and find all of our hunting gear strewn amoung countless other bags. TOTAL mess
:laughing: Thats good Joe.
"Dude, the boat is not that big. If your bow was here we would see it". And I never did see it again.
this is funny. i like this thread
Joe, Great!! Did you have any takers??? lol Brant it fell over board!! We're gonna need a bigger boat. LOL Great tread
Hey Brant,,,was the captain of that boat named Quint?? LOL,,,Great thread!!
Hey Brant,,,was the captain of that boat named Quint?? LOL,,,Great thread!!
Hope my pal Deathwind gets on this thread and tells his story of a cape buff hunt in Africa. I would hate to tell his story instead of him but it sure fits here! Maybe a bit later.......
Why do you have Rattle Snake rattles hanging out the top of your sleeping bag? Sure would not like that one.
The first "paid" hunt I ever went on was down in South Carolina for hogs probably 15 years ago.
In this operation, we hunted out of tripod stands. Shooting was only allowed from the stands. It was the last day of the hunt and I was the only hunter who hadn't connected.
The guide and I were driving down the trail in a jeep well before daylight. We got to within about 150 yards of my stand and there were two hogs rooting on the trail.
One was a very respectable boar that was a little under 200 lbs. The other was truly a giant hog. The guide put him at 350-375 lbs....I thought he was more like double that because he was just huge. Just pure muscle. He was not a barnyard escapee. Pure, lean muscle that rippled with every movement.
Those two hogs wouldn't move out of the trail to let us pass.
The guide pulled the jeep up to the lesser of the two pigs and gently nudged it. It stepped to the side and started ambling off.
Next came the big guy. He pulled the jeep up to nudge that one. After he nudged that one, it was clear that this hog would have none of that! It turned around put its head under the bumper of the jeep and literally shook us silly. Then turned around and went back to rooting right in the middle of the road.
The guide then turned to me as serious as he could be and said, "You get out right here and make your way up to that stand and you'll get a shot at that hog at daylight."
I just said, "no thank you." He took me to another stand.
Guide - "Pat I gotta go poop"
Me - "Well go geter done, but please go downwind over yonder way about 200 yards."
Guide (he's back) - "Whew, that was a close one."
Me - "what the heck is that smell?"
Guide - "I don't know. I'm trying to figure out why my coveralls keep sticking to the back of my neck."
Me - "OMG !!!!!!!"
Boat captains name was "Brant"
Some good laughs here guys. How about this one that we have all heard at one time or another. "Uh Oh!". When you translate that for us southern folk it sounds like
"Awe S..T"
"Dad, I don't want to be the decoy anymore."
(http://i1151.photobucket.com/albums/o629/wetfeathers1/DSC03739_zps06abffa2.jpg) (http://s1151.photobucket.com/user/wetfeathers1/media/DSC03739_zps06abffa2.jpg.html)
I was at a 3d shoot a number of years ago with a friend and his 12 year old son. The youngster pulled up and made a texas heart shot on the bull elk target and then turned around and exclaimed "Dad, I rumped him!". I told my friend that is the last thing you ever want your son to tell you, no matter the context.
QuoteOriginally posted by BowDiddle:
Guide - "Pat I gotta go poop"
Me - "Well go geter done, but please go downwind over yonder way about 200 yards."
Guide (he's back) - "Whew, that was a close one."
Me - "what the heck is that smell?"
Guide - "I don't know. I'm trying to figure out why my coveralls keep sticking to the back of my neck."
Me - "OMG !!!!!!!"
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: Everybody knows somebody who's done that..........I've never worn coveralls BTW!
One freezing cold morning by buddy has to go to the bathroom while we are out duck hunting. A little later on he comes back to our blind and starts to complain about his feet gettin cold. I didnt realize til later that he had forgot to grab the TP and used his socks.
I was at a ranch in South Texas years back, gonnna chase javies and pigs with Jeff Massie.
At the start, he gives a big speech and lines out the rules, one of which is "You must wear clothing while hunting". . OK, so my next question is, is this a real problem down here ?
ChuckC
I went hog hunting about 15 years ago near Clayton NM. Texas hogs moving in way back then. We were using dogs as the hogs were all nocturnal. The dogs got on a hog, we followed. As we got within 50 yards the "guide" leans up close to me with 44 mag held up Dirty Harry style and says "I just want you to know I'm not responsible for your safety" and then the fun started.......
As I was drawin' back my first rawhide-backed lemonwood longbow - about 52# @ 28" - for maybe its 500th shot...
I HEARD...
this little "tinkle-like" sound that sounded like it was originatin' in the upper limb, and then...
BAM-WHAM!!!
:scared: :scared: :scared:
I had me a 3-piece longbow with a HUGE gash in the middle of my forehead with the juices freely flowin' out...
By the Grace of God everything else was still intact! Amen.
I am still a little gun-shy of all-wood bows to this day - until I get to know them and make sure that they are fully broken in to my draw length.
Keep the wind in your face!
Shoot straight, Shinken
:archer2:
Wow, great stories!!! Thanks everyone :)
These are all great! Keep em comin.
Great stories, thanks for sharing.
Hunting in Montana a couple years ago, I was within ear shot of my partner but could not see him as we were working a hot elk. When i hear "GO AWAY BEAR, GO AWAY BEAR!!! He was also yelling other things that I won't repeat and the next thing I hear is his 44mag barking and him running to me saying, "Lets hunt somewhere else!"
The bear came to the cow calls and got a little too close and he put a round between his paws.
Crossing a creek, solid for sure, craaack, and I made myself 30 pounds lighter..... So much for supposedly frozen cteeks
Shinkin kind of beat me.
What you don't want to hear is "KA-RACK!"
Bow, arrow, tree-limb. It's never good.
While on a scouting trip afew years ago I told my buddy "keep your eyes open, were in one of those areas where alot of rattlers have been seen."
I suggested we move slow and watch where we stepped.
After afew steps I noticed he wasn't tagging along. I turned and said "what's the matter? You scared of alittle snake?"
His reply said it all "not the little ones, but the BIG SOB my foot is on has me about to s#!# my pants".
He was right, his foot was right on the head of a 40" rattler!!!
Thank goodness he was too scared to lift his foot. One smooth swing of the mechette and I removed the rest of the snake from the head.
Never did get him to scout that area of the lease.
Troy
My son shot a bear in northern Minn. just before dark with a string tracker. It was dark, very heavy brush and swamp, on our hands and knees with no firearm just a mag-light. I was in the lead following the string when my son said "DAD THE STRING IS MOVING AGAIN".
Not what I wanted to hear!!!! :help:
Your hunting buddy wins a whitetail hunt in west-central, Illinois and when you call the outfitter he says: "for another $1,500 we can put you on a stand where you can get a buck, but for an additional $2,500 we will put you in a stand that might produce a 125 P&Y buck". We brought our own stands.
I will never forget Sues comment when we returned from the hunt empty handed "well.. you got what you paid for".
'The last bow shooter I let on here, got my daughter pregnant, get off my yard!' I give myself credit for holding my tongue and not saying anything like, "he must have been blind or desperate." I just left.
Sitting next to a small tree calling . Stop calling and you hear heavy panting right behind you.
It's 7:30 the opening day of gun season, I'm bowhunting on private property when I hear branches breaking and get ready for my deer when, much to my surprise, out steps a gun hunter. I questioned him about being on private property and get told the owners nephew gave him and 5 other guys permission to hunt on the property. Then he asks if I can give him some slugs, he's shot 3 boxes so far, but hasn't killed anything. I left immediately, singing as I walked to my truck.
Pretty cool thread,
Having hunted North Eastern Wyoming with my Dad, there was never a question of permission as he always said we had it. One of the last years up there I noticed a discrepancy as a land owner had challenged a couple of hunters in our party. I finally asked Dad when did you get permission? His reply 30 years ago. gotta love em. The lightbulb went off.
Two weeks before a Saskatchewan bear hunt that I've roped five other fuys into going on with me I get an email from the outfitter saying that he has sold the business, but that the hunt is still a go. I called the new owner and he said yeah the hunt was still on but that he would not be in camp either, but that he was emplying the same guides that the previous onwner had. Fortunately, the guides in camp were all old hands and it turned out to be a great hunt, but I spent a few extra minutes each night praying that someone actually showed up to meet us in Northern Saskatchewan.
Years back my buddy shot his first buck with a recurve. After field dressing....he says.."I left my tag home in my other pack." :eek:
The long drag back to the truck, load the deer and Warden drives by....sees the deer..."Hey nice deer..." Then gets out, walks over and sez.."Where's the tag?" My buddy explains to no avail. Warden begins to write up the summons and I said..."here...use my tag."
Now we're legal....but I did make my buddy pay for my next license...
QuoteOriginally posted by joe skipp:
Years back my buddy shot his first buck with a recurve. After field dressing....he says.."I left my tag home in my other pack." :eek:
The long drag back to the truck, load the deer and Warden drives by....sees the deer..."Hey nice deer..." Then gets out, walks over and sez.."Where's the tag?" My buddy explains to no avail. Warden begins to write up the summons and I said..."here...use my tag."
Now we're legal....but I did make my buddy pay for my next license...
Were you hunting with Billy G.?
My wife asking after driving the car out of the garage: 'What was that cracking sound I heard? You are not hiding bows for me in the garage are you????...." :scared: