In this world today it is sometimes good to reflect on sayings that are uplifting, truthful, and downright fun. If you have some let's hear them. Here is one I read recently that I like. It pertains to archery in that it talks about "life" in your years....archery has, is and will continue to put "life" in my years!
"It is not the years in your life, but the life in your years that count!" :thumbsup:
"happy as a field lark in a cow dab"
"happy as a ground hog in soft dirt"
"I live life vicariously, through myself" ;)
My Dad used to have a saying about something that looked new or looked good:
"Well that shines like a diamond in a goats A$#"
Another was when he would get excited about something:
"Well Kattie bar the door!"
I don't really know were that saying came from or what it really ment but but I sure knew what he meant when he said it ;)
All that glitters isn't gold
My grandad said
"If you're praying for potatoes you should have a hoe in your hand."
Joe
My favorite: If the horse is dead,,,dismount.
''why buy the cow when the milk is free'' my dad you to say when i went through all my girlfriends.
here's another one i always liked,''if it ain't broke don't fix it''
When I was coming up and had a disagreement with someone my dad would say
" Don't go gettin in a pis__n contest with a skunk, that's one you ain't gonna win"
I try to live by that to this day.
David
"If you are not working to protect hunting, then you are working to destroy it."
Fred Bear
"Failure to not win isn't a sin, Failure to not try is a tragedy." Gene Wensel
I hunt because i can
GOOD ONES GUYS! Some are so true, some are funny, and some are "head scratchers". Love it! Keep 'em coming.
I have a friend who's dad used to come up with some good ones. His last name was Overall. They were called "Overallisms". Here's one.......
"Careful now boy, you might open your alligator mouth up and get your hummingbird rear end in trouble!"
Practice makes PERMANENT!! NOT perfect.
It's not the size of your sail that's important. It's the size of your rudder.
When you understand what I am trying to tell you, say to me...
"I smell what you're steppin' in."
OkKeith
Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
As the good book says... Believe in God but always tether your camel.
Since I retired:
"Every day is Saturday"
My Dad used to fart and say" Not bad for a hairlip eh?" never did understand it.
He knew there was a painful side...but he wouldn't let the pain blot out the humor no more than he'd let the humor blot out the pain.
-from; "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" Ken Kesey
"I think I'll give up archery and buy a compound." My hunting partner after a target panic stricken day on the 3-D course. He didn't, of course.
"You can run, but you'll only leave a bloodtrail"
"Hard telling-Not knowing"
"If you fail to plan you plan to fail"
"We're gonna need a bigger boat"
"Better you than me"
"If youre going to be dumb, you better be tough"
"Quit when you're through..."
"We are all ignorant, just about different things"
Hah. In Apex Predators words for hunting Georgia swamps.."Hey Bubba, quick, throw me that rope!"
"Peaceful people sleep well at night because rough men stand ready to to violence on their behalf"
"dont fry bacon naked"
"Fight till you win, then stop fighting"
"Its hard to get a table for 1 at Chuck E. Cheeses when you look like I do."
being in the Navy I had to give one of my favorite Naval quotes:
"We are outnumbered; there is only one thing to do. We must attack!"
Vanilla, thats Zach Galifianakis if im not mistaking right?
Trying is the first step to failure- Homer J Simpson.
I can't think of who said these, If you look for me and look for me and can't find me im not here.
You know when it's quitin time when you look aroung and noone's there.
My grandpa had a good one for an ugly girl. He would say looky there that girls face looks like a mud fence.
I love you Grandpa We'll be with you soon.
"The American democracy will endure until the Congress discovers that it can bribe the people with their own money."
-Alexis de Toqueville
One my first boss told me......
If you're gonna do somethin' half a**ed,
make sure it's the right half. :bigsmyl:
The older I get, the better I used to be!
Eric
Never argue with a fool they will drag you down to their level and beat you up with experience.
It is better to live on a roof top than in a house with a quarrelsome woman.
My favorite Texas saying "I'll tell you what!"
If you cant find time to do it right when are you going to find time to do it over.
"It'll feel good when it quits hurtin"
Bill
The seven P's-- Proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance.
The secret to getting ahead is... getting started!!
If you think that was your best, why bother with tomorrow.
He who dares not offend cannot be honest.
"If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten". Unknown
"A man should share his buffaloe" Ed Pitchkites
"Stands out like a turd ibn a punchbowl" My Dad!
"Never try to teach a pig how to sing. It only tries your patience, and really annoys the pig."
"Arguing with an idiot is like wrestling with a pig, in the mud. After a while, it dawns on you, the pig enjoys this."
"If you can't be good, be careful."
"Strong as an ox. Smart as a tractor."
"has the IQ of a house plant."
"Sharp as a bowling ball."
"harder than a woodpeckers lips"
"About a graceful as a cow on crutches."
"Life's hard...but it's harder if you're stupid." John Wayne
"Fast is fine...but accuracy is final." Wyatt Earp
"You can't fix stupid"
"Here, hold my beer"
As useful as T#Ts on a hoe handle, from my father!!
"Stupid costs extra."
"Buzzards gotta eat same as worms."
"A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you have" Thomas Jefferson
"A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."
Well sh** and fall back on it!
If I wasn't doing this I would be doing something else. If I wasn't here then I would be somewhere else.
If it ain't broke we can fix it.
I read them all...all very good indeed.
Here are some that I have always remembered:
Ignoring a problem will not make it go away!
An emergency on your end doesn't constitute one on mine.
Josh
From my grandfather;
"A horse that sh**s fast, doesn't sh**t long"
Uncle Sam;
K.I.S.S.
Keep it simple stupid
"I want to die in my sleep; like my dad did...not die screaming: like the people in the car he was driving."
Grampa's last words: " I buried the gold by the..the..".
Grama's last words: " ALWAYS!! -- NO.. NO.. wait- NEVER ! ..."
"Don't mistake movement for action." E. Hemingway
"Those who don't read have no advantage over those who can't." M. Twain
"Aim small, miss small." - Some movie line
"If you can't sing good; sing loud." Grandma Lil
"This is a great day. Shooting bows with my dad." My son Henry, talking to himself (I think), when he was 4 years old.
"Hungry dogs hunt harder."
There's a few for now. I love a good one liner.
PTV
"If you don't ask they can't say no. All they can do is tell you to not do it again!"
"If it is not expressly forbidden then it is allowed"
"Forgiveness is easier to get than permission"
If yer gonna kick a tiger in the ass you'd better have a plan to deal with his teeth.
If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy. - Red Green
Live to Hunt...Hunt to Live
Hunting is My Heart & Soul, Without it. I'm just a empty shell.
To me the most important aspect in shooting is proper alignment ~Terry Green~The BowHunters of TradGang.com DVD~
If you're going to be stupid, you better be tough. John Wayne
Stupid should hurt.
Dumber than a dead rock.
When you plan ahead next time, it will be the first time in your life when you did.
If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly.
Dumber than a pen full of sheep.
QuoteOriginally posted by Joseph:
"If you don't ask they can't say no. All they can do is tell you to not do it again!"
"If it is not expressly forbidden then it is allowed"
"Forgiveness is easier to get than permission"
It appears that you are catching on to the married life Joseph! :biglaugh:
Actually I learned all of those while in the employ of Uncle Sam along with another one "nothing is illegal until you get caught" It was this selective application of the rules that are suppose to apply to everyone that I witnessed during 6 years in the Army that have caused me to be concerned and untrusting of the goverment ever since! My wife is a "if it is not expressly allowed then it must be forbidden" type but that is changing
" as Confused as a baby in a topless bar"
The more stuff you have, the more time you will spend taking care of your stuff.
It's at least as true about archery as anything else, maybe moreso.
When I hear guys talking about speed I give the following quote which I think came from Jim Brakenbury.
"Deer don't care how fast you miss them"
And one from me that I tell my wife all the time.
"A man cannot have too many bows"
Jack
"My beautiful wife left me so fast I sincerely regret to this day, especially since so much time has passed, that I never took time to thank her."
"Like whipped cream on dog s--t. Might look good but hard to swallow!" (4uO)
QuoteOriginally posted by Jeff Strubberg:
The more stuff you have, the more time you will spend taking care of your stuff.
It's at least as true about archery as anything else, maybe moreso.
That's why I got into archery...to simplify things. But now I have a garage full of fletchers, cresting and cutoff equipment, dipping tubes......haha
Heading toward your hunting grounds the day before the opener when you find yourself behind a truck pulling a 35ft. 5th wheel loaded down doing 40mph.....
"At the next passing lane I'm going loose him like a BAD habit!"
"Treestands don't demand. Treestands don't complain. Treestands simply ask me to sit down and listen."
A Cuban saying I heard my pops use:
"El burro calgado busca camino" - translation - "The loaded mule finds a trail".
A heard-on-TradGang quote often sited amongst my hunting buddies:
"Lie down on the road and make corn noises". :biglaugh: That one still kills me!
Whether you pulling up you socks or pulling down your pants - sooner or later we've all got to bend over....
"The best helping hands are at the end of your arms"
"I have know of a great many troubles, but most of them never happened" Mark Twain
"Slicker than greased moose poop"
Quote"Lie down on the road and make corn noises". :biglaugh: That one still kills me!
You can thank Jim Belcher for that one. Said to a UBM member who was bragging about the hog squealer he had brought to a King Ranch pig hunt...
From the government, (FAA, IRS, FBI,etc you choose),...
"We're not happy till, you're not happy"
:scared:
" If you don't try to learn something everyday, you probably won't"
"never miss a chance to shut up"
"dumb as a sack of hair"
"the Lord will never give you a burden to heavy to bear"
"if I didn't like to fight I would have never got married"
From my grandmother when I was a young man.." If
you are going to fight, you are going to get in trouble. Don't get in trouble and get beat up too."
to do the best i can with what i got.
QuoteOriginally posted by Oliverstacy:
An emergency on your end doesn't constitute one on mine.
Josh
That's so close to a sign I used to have up in my office:
"A lack of planning on your part DOES NOT constitute an emergency on my part."
QuoteOriginally posted by Boswell:
"Treestands don't demand. Treestands don't complain. Treestands simply ask me to sit down and listen."
I like that one. :thumbsup:
Emily (my daughter) says:
"I'm not gonna go around kicking a$#, but it's good to know that I can."
"A good friend will be the one getting you out of jail but a best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying 'Let's do it again!'"
Now I add:
"Well shiite and shove me in it." Great Grandpa Baumann - R.I.P.
"Life's Journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, "Holy crap... What a Ride!!"
one my father used when a new employee didnt catch on to a task "did a buzzard poop you out on a fencepost and the sun hatch ya?"
Read my signature below...
Democracy is the worst form of government there is, except for all the others.
And from Grandad:
A man's born with two heads. He needs to be real careful about which one does his thinking.
My Dads advice on argueing with your wife,Just smile and say nothing usually gets them either so confused or mad they just quit talking.
Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
Since I'm from TN, you can say anything about anyone as long as you add "well bless her heart"
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
"You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!"
It ain't right but it's so! I'll loan you any thing but my truck and my ole lady,trucks old ,wife is young,liable to throw a rod in either one of them.
A quote I just stumbled over...
"I have failed many times, and that's why I am a success." —Michael Jordan
And another one. A great one, indeed:
"It's a sad day when you find out that it's not accident or time or fortune, but just yourself that kept things from you."
When trying to explain my actions, my chief used to tell me, "Brent, when you find yourself at the bottom of the hole, stop diggin."
"Thats as fine as a frog hair split three times and sanded."
"Don't worry about the mule, just load the wagon."
"I don't want to hear the labor pains, just show me the baby."
"If your looking in the right direction every day is a beautiful day" A good preacher friend of mine that I shoot with said that and it stuck with me!! Jason
"Never sniff a gift fish" Pat McManus
"Bring a compass because it's akward when you have to eat your friend's" HA, Jason
My Dad always said when I was a young hellraiser," If your gonna be dumb you gotta be tough". I have a sticker on my truck that says " I have hunted almost everyday of my life, the rest have been wasted." Or the old standby " Thats gonna leave a mark"
"Bad hunters {Apache word Vegan}, invented work."
He does'nt know come here from sick'um.
Well, saw me off and call me shorty.
She doesn't know wether shes washing or hanging out.
"That's as messed up as Hogan's Goat." was a favorite of my Dad.
(I learned a slightly different version when I was older...) ;)
Later I was stationed with a Texan who liked to say,"That makes Hogan's Goat look like a precision instument..."
:D
Ok, got to ask...who's Hogan? Or does it matter?...I don't get it!
I like that one Jason! So true!
Wayne, I'll use that "labor pains" one soon with one of my employees! haha
I tell this to my little girl all the time "Ain't cha MaMa on the pancake box"? I heard it when I was little and everytime we eat pancakes I gotta say it.... :biglaugh:
A friend will help you move, a good friend will help you move a body (or a deer out of the woods)!!
Good one Dave! Yes "Old guys rule!"
"Walk like you have a purpose"
"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean someone's not out to get you."
"It's raining harder than a cow peeing on a flat rock."
"Love God, love people."
"Many hands make light work." (I always hated hearing this one, but it is true.)
"In England, everything is allowed unless it is expressly forbidden. In Germany, everything is forbidden, even if it allowed. In France, everything is allowed even if it forbidden."
"What we have here is.... failure to communicate."
"My boy says he can eat 50 eggs, he can eat 50 eggs." (I like this movie)
"There's no accountin' for some folk's taste."
"Some folk's would complain if they were hung with a new rope."
"Warning. Warning. Danger, Will Robinson."
"Hung by mistake." (tombstone near Coburg, OR)
I probably have more but that's enough for now.
RonP
Ron, I like the "There's no accountin' for some folks taste". I have thought that a time or two. The "Hung by mistake" is an interesting tombstone saying! Do you remember the date on the stone?
Snag,
I don't remember the exact date, but it was from the end of the 1800s, as I remember. I do know it was a more modern replacement, as I am thinking the original was taken or perhaps just became illegible
(My guess is taken though, as other tombstones that were original from that era were still there).
RonP
Exchange between Jeremiah and Del Gue when Jeremiah comes across him buried up to his neck:
"The Injuns put you here? It weren't Mormons."
And this one from Del Gue:
""Mother Gue, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world." And by God I was right."
RonP
I'll admit I looked this one up on the internet, but since my other quotes can only be loosely interpreted as pertaining to archery, I thought I should add this:
"It concerns us to know the purposes we seek in life, for then, like archers aiming at a definite mark, we shall be more likely to attain what we want." Aristole
"Slicker'n snot".
Someone, I think a co-worker said after he was cheated by a guy for some small purchase commented "well that is a small price to pay to find what he is worth".
"It is what it is".
I'm not the sharpest arrow in the quiver, but I'll fly straight for you!
"Don't squat with your spurs on"
"As serious as a tree full of owls"
"Dumb? He don't know skunks from housecats!"
"Its so hot it takes a half hour to blow a cup of coffee cool"
From my uncle: "Damn chili, can I use your thunder closet?"
Something I saw on a chalkboard in a class while I was in the Marine Corps:
"The more we sweat in peace, the less we bleed in war"
To consistently kill big bucks you need to hunt an area that has a good population of big bucks.
I guess I can come in and work but I been drinking, a lot.
Where the hell did my camo knife go?
You better just leave your shirt on because I aint putting that sunscreen on your back.
Holy S@#$ wheres the Tylenol.
Another one from Bearclaw ; "March is a muddy month down below. Some folks like it...Farmers!"
...bring up some proper food...
...there may be injuns around....
"They sent him to college and got all the common sense educated out of him" - H.E. 'Bud' Gibson
'I gave 'im my watch and my horse, I put more value on the horse, than my name.'- Capt. Call
One riot, one Ranger
A sign in my sergeant's office:
"I would love to help you out...Which way did you come in?"
Quote after a all night drunk
I feel like i have been chewed up by a billy goat
and s*** off a cliff
my grandpa told he once " it's OK to make a misteak just don't make do it again"
doug77
My dad would always tell me when I first started hunting by myself, "If you get lost, don't come home."
it's not about how much you make, it's about how much you don't have to spend.
When I move to Alabama I had to learn how to hold a conversation,You only need a few chosen phrases.
I heard that.
I know thats right.
You can say that again.
Advice my Father gave me at different times of my life.
When I started school...." Never start a fight; but always finish one."
"A wolverine goes out looking for a fight.A badger hopes to H*ll he finds one; but neither one can beat a skunk in a p*ssing contest." said just to be woodsy and humurous.
"A man don't quit til he's dead."
Thing's I say all the time and some of the replies
me."I am smarter than I look." my friend ,"Yep, you sure are."
me, "Well I am not just another pretty face." my friend, "No you're not at that."
"God's gotta have a sense of humor, just look around you."
and lastly something I swear I made up in an early chatroom and some read it and made a poster and maybe got sorta rich over.
WARNING Politically Incorrect
"Fighting on The Internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you're still retarded."
Jeremiah Johnson had the perfect family arrangement....a kid that couldn't talk, and a wife whose only word was "YES" :readit:
Good stuff guys! I'm lovin' this!
:campfire:
Well Snag, I am somewhat a collector of Famous Quotes....these are some of my favorits:
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
- John Adams
A hunt based only on trophies taken falls short of what the ultimate goal should be ... time to commune with your inner soul as you share the outdoors with the birds, animals, and the fish that live there.
Fred Bear
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
~ George Bernard Shaw
I know nothing about sex because I was always married.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
- Aesop
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
~ Douglas Casey, classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown Univ.
Dave, I have a file of some Jeramiah Johnson ditties I'll have to find for you...
This here is for Dave2old to chew on a bit...
Jeremiah Johnson: [Jeremiah and Caleb find Del Gue buried to his neck in sand] Are you all right?
Del Gue: Sure, sure, I got a fine horse under me!
[sneezes]
Del Gue: Got one of them feathers in my nose.
Jeremiah Johnson: You keep sneezing, it'll come out all right. Haven't seen anyone pass by recent, have you?
Del Gue: Nobody's gone in front of me. Can't say what's happened behind me, though.
Jeremiah Johnson: The Injuns put you here?
Del Gue: T'weren't the Mormons. A Chief, name of Mad Wolf. Nice fella, don't talk a hell of a lot. Say, you wouldn't have an extra hat on you, would you? Shade's getting' scarce in these parts.
Jeremiah Johnson: What'd you shave your head for?
Del Gue: Mad Wolf figures like every other Injun I know. Says this scalp isn't fit for no decent man's lodgepole. Ain't the first time I've protected my head in such a way. Name's Del Gue, with an "e".
////////////////
Del Gue: The Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world. I ain't ever seen 'em, but my heart tells me that the Andes is foothills and the Alps are for children to climb.
//////////////
Jeremiah Johnson: Y'ever get lonesome?
Bear Claw Chris Lapp: Fer what?
Jeremiah Johnson: Woman?
Bear Claw Chris Lapp: Full time night woman? I never could find no tracks on a woman's heart. I packed me a squaw for ten year, Pilgrim. Cheyenne, she were, and the meanest bitch that ever balled for beads. I lodge-poled her at Deadwood Creek, and traded her for a Hawken gun. But don't get me wrong; I loves the womens, I surely do. But I swear, a woman's breast is the hardest rock that the Almighty ever made on this earth, and I can find no sign on it.
/////////////////
Del Gue: Jeremiah, maybe you best go down to a town, get outta these mountains.
Jeremiah Johnson: I've been to a town Del.
///////////////
Bear Claw Chris Lapp: You've come far pilgrim.
Jeremiah Johnson: Feels like far.
Bear Claw Chris Lapp: Were it worth the trouble?
Jeremiah Johnson: What trouble?
/////////////////
[Jeremiah and Del are parting company]
Jeremiah Johnson: You'll do well, Del; providing you don't get into trouble with all that hair.
Del Gue: Ain't this somethin'? I told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. "Make your life go here, son. Here's where the people is. Them mountains is for Indians and wild men." "Mother Gue", I says "the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world," and by God, I was right. Keep your nose in the wind and your eye along the skyline, Jeremiah.
///////////////
Bear Claw Chris Lapp: I am Bear Claw Chris Lapp; bloodkin to the grizzer that bit Jim Britcher's ass! YOU are molesting my hunt!"
////////////////////
And one of my personal favorite quotes of all time:
:campfire:
"While a young man fears that to go too slow is to risk missing something, an older man knows that to go too fast is to risk missing everything."
- David Peterson
From JJ. When Bear Claw rolls over and opens one eye, and says " yep, seen it right off, not enough dirt on top of the coals" as Jeremiah is putting out the fire in his bed roll. My favortite from the movie.
Also, from Red Green, to his wife,... "honey don't you worry about that gal you seen me with, she aint half the woman you are, either in age or weight"
From grandad"
"Son we all would be better off if we hadn't smelled Gasoline or Perfume"
I can say thsi quote with hunor because I'm one of them :
" You Baptist beleive if you hold someone under water long enough they will beleive anything "
I like telling my Baptist bow shooting preacher buddyt his one :)
busier than a one legged man in a a**kickin contest. when i asked a friend how he was doin at work.when someone asks me how im doin i reply" hangin in there like a hair inna bicuit"
thats biscuit
"Don`t take life too seriously,... it isn`t permanent"
"Riding a motocross bike is like looking down the barrel of a loaded gun...even if the safety is on, it`s STILL a bad idea" (from my dad)
"No matter how much you feed your kids today, they will still want to eat tommorrow" (dad again)
"If your talking, you ain`t listening...if you ain`t listening, you ain`t learning"
"If you meet a man you wouldn`t allow to walk behind you with a loaded gun, what good is he?"
"All it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."
I always told the apprentice's if your
" Not making mistakes your not working" ......
and in the winter when there saying its cold I'd say the
"Heats in the tools...pick up the place".. that would always get the look. :saywhat:
Bill....... :archer:
Uncle after a big bowl of Texas HOT turkey chili, "I'll have to s--t in the creek to keep from catchin the woods on fire!"
"Biscuit britches" (big girls wearing jeans 3 sizes too small like all over Texas.)
"Tough? You'd rather go bear huntin with a switch!"
"Slicker'n sheep s--t on an axe handle."
About an alcoholic friend so drunk, "He could piss a hole in concrete!"
"Never miss a good opportunity to shut up."
You guy's are crack'n me up!! :biglaugh: Jason
My DI in the Marines used to say "It's mind over matter. You don't mind it don't matter" Theres times when I still look to that one.
"Never miss a good opportunity to shut up."
That's a good one.
"Don`t take life too seriously,... it isn`t permanent."
This one too!
My favorite line from Jeremiah Johnson - "Lost?! Never lost! Powerful confused for two... three months at time; but never lost."
if you dont have time to do it right, how are you going to fine time to do it over.
Here are a few good ones...i worked with an old man that would drop these little one liners every day. I started writting them down in a book. I have over 200 of them. Unfortunatley most of them are not fit for this forum. :)
1. He was tight as bark on a tree;
2. He was as nervous as a dog sh-tting a peach seed.
3. Dark as the inside of a bear
4. He's about as usefull as pocket on the back of a shirt.
5. His eyes rolled back in his head like a dieing calf in a hail storm
6. That's as useful as tits on a boar hog
7. I'm so unlucky i could fall in a barrel of T_ts and come out sucking my thumb
8. I'm so mad i could lay down and piss straight up
9. He looked as out of place as a turd in a punch bowl
10. if it hurts...your probably not doing it right
QuoteOriginally posted by longbowray:
if you dont have time to do it right, how are you going to fine time to do it over.
What a nice saying. Thanks for posting that. It's noted.
Never mind it could be worse.......it could be me, lol
If it ain't broke, let me have it for a few minutes.
"Any stick do for bow....good arrow dam heap work"...Tommy, the savage!
"I overheard something while talking to myself"....Alan Alda
My late Dad's only two sayings, which I heard time and again:
"Too soon old, too late smart."
(When the day's events/weather/news/markets showed a different previous choice would have been a better course of action)
"From the day you're born 'til you ride in a hearse, it's NEVER so bad that it couldn't be worse"
(Applicable to lost love, financial reverses, and farming in general, but he pulled this out on me several times as a young man when I REALLY wished he wouldn't!)
From my dad while growing up," I'll tell you when you are hurt"
A reference to my first boss, "The man has very deep pockets, but extremely short arms."
"Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out" Art Linkletter
"We take life in order to learn how to live life"
Charlie Lamb
Politicians are like diapers- they both need to be changed regularly for the same reason.
A tree doesn't fall far from its nuts.
A released arrow is like a spoken word-it can't be taken back.
Tis better to regret the shot not taken than to regret the shot taken. Rick Essex
Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana.
Bleeding ALWAYS stops.
I dreamed that life was all joy. I awoke and found it was but service. I served and found that service was joy.
Since you boys are still playing.
religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
I really like that one, A released arrow is like the spoken word it can't be taken back.
my grandpa always told me " can't never done anything." and it has always helped me push through things i thought couldnt be done
suzie_shooter beat me too it. My dad always said, "Can't never did anything." He also says, "Anything worth doing is worth doing right."
I'll add one. "That's neater than a whole tree full of hoot owl babies."
Mom to me,
"Will you just go take a long walk, off a short pier"
or "Go play on the freeway"
Dad to me for not listening to Mom,
"Your cruisin for a bruisin"
"Don't get in a battle of wits with an unarmed person"
"Beauty is skin deep, stupid is to the bone"
"Careful the A$$ you kick today, might be the one you hafta kiss tomorrow"
"...if you have a wish in 1 hand, or s#it in the other.."
Klingor on Mash
"may the fleas of a thousand camels, infest your armpits"
Shultzy
"I know nothink"
You guys are killin' me!
Kurtbel5, I love the "Don't get in a battle of wits.." one! Funny and true!
What's that one about "best not to open your mouth and stick your foot in it, thus removing all doubt about how stupid you are.." Something along those lines...?
"We were given 2 ears and 1 mouth. We should listen twice as much as we talk!"
"It's easy to be generous with another man's money".....hmmmm, sounds like someone in Washington should hear this one!
"A person who gets all wrapped up in himself makes a mighty small package!" hmmmm, another one to send to Washington.
"If you can't advice, you can't be helped."
"A false friend and a shadow stay only while the sun shines."
When old woodsmen asked if he was lost: "Indian not lost, tepee lost."
"He's a good man to cross a river with."
" I did't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you."
"If you are going to ride my A$$that hard you could at least pull my hair."
"I wasn't lost, just temporarily disoriented." I have had to use this one a time or two!
Two from my grandad:
Women, you cant live with em but youre not allowed to shoot em. (I apologize to all women who are different)
If you ever marry, take a nice one, an ugly one eats quite the same amount.
I hope they still work after my poor translations.
Ohh and of course:
"I can withstand everything. Expect temptation."
should have been:
"I can withstand everything. Except temptation."
Sorry
Some memorable ones in my lifetime:
Cut my pizza in to four slices... I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
Don't pee up hill
Give your last dollar away. It will be worth more then if you spend it.
Give me a whiskey. I don't have time for beer.
Only little girls hit women
If you just spit on a fire it doesn't put it out
work hard so you can play hard
When man wants to destroy his creativity is endless.
rabbit comes out the hole around the tree and back down the hole
righty tighty lefty loosy
to tell a rabbit from a hare don't look at the hair
Reading these, I'm smilin' like a dead pig in the hot summer sunshine....
Abraham Lincoln was fond oh, "It's better for one to remain silent and thought a fool than open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
Another one from my Dad, "Work smarter AND harder"
Dont pee in the well you might have to drink from it someday.
"Stupidity should be painful" Monty Browning
"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose"
My grandpa told me this one once
Beware of the toes you step on today, because they might be connected to the a-- you have to kiss tomorrow.
Hillbilly
From a friend who owned 2 of everything " Better to be looking at it than looking for it"
From my Dad " Better than a kick in the Arse with a frozen boot
Rick
Moderation in everything; including moderation!
My dad always said "What's the point in being ignorant if you don't show it?"
I told my hunting buddy once that if he got hurt I would find a way to get him out, even if it took two trips. Gary
Sagebrush ILMAO. That I will use someday.
Rick
"You don't have time to do it right the first time, but you have time to it right the second time"
Two of um.
1. Why is it always the last place I look?
2. Is a Post Script from someone years ago when I was serving Uncle.
PS.. Sorry I am not sure of your address, if you don't get this let me know..............
Question Authority !
Think before you speak, but do not speak all that you think.
Sometimes, when you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to remember the intent was to drain the swamp.
People who are organized are just to lazy to look for things.
LEADERSHIP is the ability to hide your panic.
sagebrush, thats real friendship! ;-)!
My boss during college used to say as he left the store.
"If you need me I'll call you".
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."
"I'm picking up what your putting down."
"That's your bowl of rice. "
"Slip 'em a sliver"
Archenemy
Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least!
That last quote was Goethe.
Another one I heard last week "Money doesn't make people happy, happy people make money!".
Snag, I think the one you were thinking of is
Better to remain quite and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all dought
If you never do anything.......how do you know when your finished?
Don't get mad and go away, just go away.
I was talking to elderly gentleman one day and we got on the subject of being lost. I asked him if he had ever been lost in the hills. His response was "You cant get lost if you dont care where your going, enjoy it while you are there eventully you will run out of it".
That's it Ragin Bull! Thank you. It has been driving me crazy...and as my wife would say, "It's a short road!"
"Caulk and Paint Makes it what it Ain't"...I use it quite often where I work... :goldtooth:
If I'd killed her instead of married her, I'd be out by now.
My dad said to me: "Son, your too slow to run away so you better learn how to fight!"
"Texas. The only place in the world where 'corn' is a verb"
Barry Wensel
Don't know if it's already been posted, but...
Whether you think you CAN or think you CAN'T, you're probably right.
Crusty old rancher type out in SW SD to a buddy and me: You boys bowhuntin for antelope? (we had camo on) Me, yes. Crusty old rancher: I tried that once, I decided them indians didn't eat much antelope! Absolutely classic!!! :biglaugh:
"We have freedom of speech so that stupid people can say stupid things and let everyone else knows how stupid they are."
Ted Nugent
"I like this more than a fat kid on a ham sandwich"
Guy I used to work with
"go ask yer Mother"
Dad
"That boy eats like a dog tick"
Love that one Bowhuntr.
Tore up from the floor up. You're letting your mouth write checks that you don't have the a** to cash.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there will be no glory.
You reap what you sew.
If you never give up you'll always be a winner.
From my Father:I'll turn the other cheek the first time,there won't be a second.
Don't believe everything you think.
Since I moved to Alabama I've learned the key phrases to hold a conversation.
No matter what is said say, I heard that,I know thats right.You can say that again,and under extreme circumstances That Dog won't hunt.
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it- that's good: it means nobody has discovered my illegal logging operation.
( Stephen Colbert).
One of my personal favorites has always been:
"Well, son; since you don't have any respect for your elders, it's time somebody taught you some respect for your betters!" - John Wayne in "Big Jake"
My High School carpentry teacher would all was tell me "boy you are good on rough work and rough on good work"
Benny
"Speak softly but carry a big stick"-Theodore Roosevelt
My Grandfather alwasy told me and my brother
"your best friend is a dollar in your pocket and your dog behind you"
Gilbert
"Oh CRAP! Don't tell your Mom!"
QuoteOriginally posted by razorsharptokill:
"Oh CRAP! Don't tell your Mom!"
:biglaugh: I've used that one a few times myself!
If you ever pick up a hitch-hiker, try this one from Steven Wright....
"Fasten your seatbelt, I wanna try something"
Always like those famous Redneck last words....
"Here, hold ma beer & watch this!"
"been married 3 beautiful years........15 all total"
Jim, that made me think of several situations in my younger years! hahaha
Along the lines of the bumpersticker:
"Vegetarian is Indian name for bad hunter"
is "I didn't climb the food chain to become a
Vegetarian!"
I was at a wine tasting when the man next to me was asked to give his impression of the wine. He thoughtfully pondered it and stated:
"It would go well with a warm tender small mammal" That cracked me up! Especially in that crowd!
And then there was the great philosopher who said: "If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did He make them out of meat?"
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing!
My little brother came down for a visit,his words.
I learned what not to do by watching you,and as I rememer it's so true.
I have a buddy who says: " My wife says having s*x with me is like a ride at Disneyland ... it's over real quick, and when it's done she wants to throw up!!!"
Bumper sticker: "What if the Hookie Pokie is what it's all about?"
My wife keeps her eyes closed when we make love; she can't stand to see me havin' a good time....
By the way Legolas, I love that quote. I am definitely going to repeat it to my wife later. That is ... as long as I am not already in trouble for doing something stupid ...again! :biglaugh:
:bigsmyl:
It was so cold out I had to back up to pee.
Why do farts stink, so deaf people can enjoy them too.
Slicker than pelican snout.
Dry as a popcorn fart.
Half a bubble off.
Shiverin like a dog s----- razor blades.
Hotter than a fox in a forest fire.
You are only walkin in the woods half way and then you are walking out.
Remember, rough seas make a great captain
An Oak tree started out as a nut that held its ground
The American Indians found out what happens when you don't control immigration.
Watching those hunting shows is a little like reading Playboy. Those big racks are out there but they're few and far between, easier to spot than to get one of your own, and if you do get one, it usually costs quite a bit to mount it
the field mouse is fast, but the owl sees at night.
"It's better to be lucky than smart."
Captain Legnos, SS LNG Libra
Heard that waaaay too many times when I was working on that ship... :rolleyes:
Beware the fury of a patient man
"Hunt like the owl, move only your head and your eyes"
My Father used to say " If that boy was any more lazy, they'd have to put Kittens under his arms to breath for him."
"does a fat baby fart?" My friend Clyde
i may not be much,but i'm all you've got.{my wife}
yeah,but it sure flew good.[my friend mark after a missed shot]
"If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman to hear, is he still wrong?"
If I tell ya a chicken can plow, don't question me, just hook him up.
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
Legolas, you just did me in! :-) If you get a letter from a lawyer in KY it is my wife suing you for wrongful death. LOL
Where in heavens have I been living all these years? That is what I call oneliners!
God bless,
Jose
Okay here's mine,
Better they wonder why your quiet, than wonder why your talking.
Hate to say it but Dad gave that advise to me. Wonder why?
Corvus.
"I'm so broke I can't even pay attention"
"I'm so broke I'd have to fart to even have a cent in my pocket."
I forgot the "pay attention" one...I have always liked that one too Pine Nut...good one!
Have you ever noticed when you have a 50/50 chance of making a right or wrong choice about 80 percent of the time you make the wrong choice. Although with some people it is closer to 95 percent.
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
-Stan Laurel
I like my moniker below .
I'm not sure who said it but I love it!
"Good Judgment comes from Wisdom,
Wisdom comes from bad Judgments."
Funny, but I've lived this too much.
"If that water was any colder my p#!?er would be a bump in my back." MY Dad
My friends dad used to say to the two of us.
"If brains was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough between the two of you to blow my nose"
Usually after we did something stupid.
if we aren't supposed to eat animals then why are they made of meat?
Questions I've asked some of the cooks I trained.
Have you ever stopped to think and then forgot to start?
Are you drunk or just stupid?
It would appear your first mistake was thinking you knew how to do that.
" Never until now have I seen in my own country freedom portrayed as chaos and dreams and hard work represented as greed."
A WWII veteran I know who fought on the beaches of Normandy.
"The single most important gaol of compulsary education is to shape the minds of those who are in it's fold by removing them from the social institutions that hold them." ie the family.
-Thomas Huxley- father of compulsary education in america
"Let me control the textbooks and I will control the state." -Adolph Hitler
"No single raindrop believes itself responsible for the storm."-unknown
"Man stand with mouth open for long time before roast duck fly in."-chinese proverb
A fool is wise until he opens his mouth to speak.
-Proverbs
"Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell." Edward Abbey
And to go along with the abusive ones from c2 --
"Did your mother have any children that lived?"
Not very kind.
Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
Winston Churhill
I reaaly admire Thomas Jefferson here are a few.
I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom .
Health is worth more than learning .
My dad had a few, and some have already been posted...
Once, when I was working on my bike at the ripe old age of ten, I skinned my knuckles when the wrench slipped. I told him I was pi$$ed...a bad word for a young man. He didnt yell, or scold me. Simply stated "You know it is better to be pi$$ed off-than on". To a ten year old, it was a big deal. He let me know it wasnt acceptable, but didnt do it in a negative way, all with the expression on his face.
"Having an opinion, in and of itself, is nothing virtuous....if that opinion is plain wrong." - Rush Limbaugh
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!
Here's a couple a friend sent me that I liked...
"Jesus is coming, don't miss Him for the world"
"Warning, exposure to the Son may prevent burning"
met an old-timer once who gave me some sage advice. He asked me abnout something....and I explained what I was "thinking" of doing....he smiled and said...."young fellow you'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind"...
never forgot that one...action is the key!
Also had the same guy tell me about the character trait of false pride...."you can't save your face and your ass at the same time"
my wife on our 55th wedding anniversary when asked if in all those years she had never thought about divorce...."divorce?, no i don't think so. homicide? hundreds of times!!"
"eyery year youre parents go to the zoo and throw stones at a stork"
"I love vegetarians, they're all I eat."
"if his brains were gasoline; he wouldn't have enough to drive an ants motorcycle halfway around a BB".
"Dont break your arm patting yourself on the back." My aunt...she had many many more and she will be missed.
Don't do as I do, do as I say do.
When it comes to being married a man has two choices,he can be right or he can be happy.
"Stupid people shouldn't breed!"
This is one my dad would say. Everytime I'd say if I had this or that, he would reply." If a bull frog had wings, he wouldn't have to bump his butt along the ground"
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it."
:)
"Best thing about bowhuntin' turkeys is you always know where to find one tomorrow."
"Surest way to ruin a great day of fishin' is to start keeping 'em."
Beauty is skin deep. Ugly, to the bone.
Could make a freight train take a dirt road.
She hung on him like a cheap suit.
Inexpensive and cheap ain't the same thing; but you still do get what you pay for.
"It is better to be tried by 12 then carried by 6"
"The bitter taste of poor quality lingers long after the sweet taste of a low price."
be careful what you wish for ... you might just get it !
"Wish in one hand, spit in the other and see which one fills up 1st!" My mother just setting us kids straight when we went Sears and Roebuck catalog shopping on the couch.
Well butter my a** & call me a biscuit.
It sure beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
Some people are like SLINKIES. They're really good for nothing.
But they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
I am in shape. Round's a shape...
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
My two favorites- when everything a going perfectand you somehow mess it up - "you sh*t in the milk"
And a friend of mine who is a marathoner and a cop when he is chasing a bad guy - "if you run you'll only go to jail tired!"
Butch, you made my wife laugh until she cried! The slinkie one pushed her over the edge...you could say! lol
"We can put a man on the moon, but you can't eat moon rocks." - Me
"All the scientists, geologists and anthropologists keep trying to figure out the mystery behind the great pyramids. They're just big piles of square rocks." - Me
I was watching a karate instructor trying to jump up and kick a board in two once, for all the kids at school. The first 2 attempts failed. He finally broke it when he turned the board 90 degrees. This was right after I hollered out "Confucious say, When working with wood, wise man always go with grain."
This reminds me of the old LW Country Sayin's thread.
"You can please some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can pretty much bring them all around to your way of thinking if you're the one holding the shotgun."
Your never lost if you dont care where you are.
if it aint broke fix it till it is
sh*t happens mate but only the depth varies. :biglaugh:
My favorite: "No such thing as luck, luck is the point in time where preparation meets opportunity".
"Diplomacy is letting some one have your way"
From an old cowboy friend....
Don't worry 'bout the mule, just load the wagon.
If I tell ya a grasshopper will pull a plow, just find the harness.
If I tell ya a chicken dips snuff, just look under his wing for the snuff can.
From my Mom...
Smile, it could be worse. Sure enough, I smiled and it got worse!
From my dad...
Boy I'll kick your backside so hard, it'll make your ears bleed!
From a pick-up man at a rodeo I was working, as clown and bullfighter when a bull made a close pass at me...man that was close. My answer as I opened my shirt to show him the blood and bruise forming...Close, you need glasses.
"If you can't tie good knots, tie lots of 'em."
"There are only three types of people in this world...those who can count, and those who can't."
"How come I can smell farts that come through Biggie's carbon pants?"
"If it's brown it's down." My dad one year when we only had a couple days of deer season left.
"Never pet a burning dog."
From my dad - "Laziness is not a disability."
Does your train of thought have a cabbose?
"First they ignore you,then they laugh at you,then they fight you,and then you win"......"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent."
.....Gandhi
One from my uncle on nice fall days"
"It's so nice out.... a guy could almost leave it out!"
chris <><
While out hunting for tree rats with a friend of mine.... "When in doubt.. Shoot him in tha face"
From my ol'man "I'll stomp a mudhole in your a#$ ad walk it talkum powder dry"
"That's handier than a pocket on a t-shirt"
plenty more but I can't give up all my oneliners, LOL
Great thread
Harder to get out than a hair in a biscut!!!
"So nervous he couldn't sh*t a greased BB"
"Crazy as a sprayed roach"
"that tastes so good it will make you slap your grandma!"
"...ain't had this much fun since the hogs ate my little brother!"
"Farts prove those suits don't work."
Me after a buddy from Michigan drank a large bottle of Mountain Dew with the resulting eruptions while wearing a "state of the art" scent free suit.
One from my 65 year old dainty little aunt after eating at the local buffet restaurant,"I'm full as a tick on a hound's belly."
My favorite line from te movie "The Replacements"
"Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory is forever."
Guide to all the hunters, "Remember you can't outrun these hogs; but you don't need to. You just need to outrun the guy next to you." To which everyone responded, "I want to hunt with Curtiss." I can't type here what I said to that.
As you gaze up the steep mountain side determining whether to step up to the challange of going after the big bull....just remember...
If your scared...get a dog!!
If you decline the challenge...you may need to get some kerosene and put around your ankles. That should keep the ants from eating your candy butt.
Worrying is like a rocking chair...It gives you something to do but you'll never get anywhere.
After 21 pages of humor, How did you guys forget these?
Is the Pope Catholic?
Does a bear s*** in the woods?
What would yor Mother say?
Somrtimes I wonder
Asked my uncle if he was going hunting yesterday and he said
"Does Howdy Doody have a wooden #$%^.."..
I had never heard that one before.....Roy
A couple quotes from a wise old friend of mine:
A change is as good as a rest!
A fartin horse will never tire and a fartin mans the one to hire!
me after eatin' some of mama's apple pie...
"taste so good it'll make your toungue slap your brains out"
My ol'man used to give me one of the boot lines when I did something stupid...
"boy, you ain't smart enough to pour p@#s out of a boot with the instructions on the bottom"
I always figured I was smart enough not to p@#s in my boot though, so I must not be to dumb. LOL
I just read through this thread trying to clean up the crude stuff. Much too time consuming.
This is a family oriented web site guys.
This has run it's course.