You guys have a lot more experience with this then I do...
but is it better to ask for permission or beg for forgiveness?
For those of you who choose to beg for forgiveness...
Do you let the package(s) arrive and possibly surprise her hoping you may intercept it and tote it away before she sees it or do you say "Hey, there may be a package showing up tomorrow."
:)
They are all shipped to my business address! ;)
21 years of marriage....
Ask. There is no possesion worth ticking off your life-mate.
My wife has pretty much given up on me.....
But, to answer your question, I think it's better to beg forgiveness. After all, you may slip it by her.
Fess up. After you get caught a few times they pay close attention to the "pile". They know when it gets bigger and when it gets smaller. When it gets bigger, "how much was that?". When it gets smaller, "what did you do with the money?". You can only run the forgiveness scam so many times!!!
It is a thin line your walking!! But I do have bows shipped to work most of the time.
Amen, Wise One! :thumbsup:
30 years of marriage brings the same conclusion!
What Jeff said, but,.... better yet, get her to be interested in archery and then buy it for you (or her). My wife is eagerly awaiting her new bow so I can build up some custom arrows. :jumper:
I was replying to Jeff, but all the inbetween post came in like popcorn as I typed. Edit feature is down right now...
It is most pleasant to do it right and enjoy the bow when you pick it up instead of wondering if she'll figure it out THIS time!
My greatest fear is that I die.....and my sife sells all of my hunting gear for what she thinks it cost.
Open a separate bow account. Don't touch house funds. Use it for buying, trading and selling. Then you need neither permission nor forgiveness.
After 46 years my wife has admitted that I am much better at asking forgiveness that begging upfront. I take that as she probably gets a better deal when I beg for forgiveness than when I ask upfront, she says no, then we both get mad and I go and do it without the fun of then begging and making it up to her after it's none. LOL Nice post that is on all of our minds.
and mine was said in jest! 25 years of marriage and she is happy that it's a good vice! :)
Not to take a silly question too seriously but if you can't afford it don't buy it. If you can afford it then you probably should have an "allowance" that each of you is able to spend any way you want.
All my hunting purchases come from a separate fund generated by extra work v. coming from the family budget. Kristin doesn't know or care what I buy, which really isn't much anyway. Her out-of-budget purchases are funded in the same way.
After 32 years,15 muzzleloader,10 rifles,3 handguns,and 25 bows-mostly custom, I don't hide anything from the wife,I just tell her that there are worst things I could be doing and she says "your right,At least I know where you are and what your doing"!!!! Plus I don't take $$$ from the household funds.
Haven't had that problem since I got a new Shafer Silvertip for my wife.... best trade I ever made!!!
:D
I have always understood that women love surprises...Surprise look what I got in the mail.
This may only work once.
Tell her it is coming and then open it right in front of her. Let her know how much this means to you and that it will make you happy. Tell her that if you really like it you would like to get her one too. So that you could do it together. Make it a shared experience. I have always told my wife that it is a pretty inexpensive hobby and have tried to keep it as such. Right now a round of golf will set you back at least the cost of six arrows. Pro Baseball tickets for a family of 4 will set you back the cost of a bow. I always ask for extra stuff for birthday gifts, fathers day, christmas, cinco de mayo, presidents day, arbor day.
If you think it is going badly tell her all bows have a woman's name and name it after her mother. Just don't name it after your girlfriend prior to her.
Charlie, Where can I get a trade like that? In reality My wife is really good about that. I take it out of my "mad money" account and she has no problem as long as I get her something also. Heck, while bidding on the auction, she asked if I had enough. A good agreeable wife is hard to come by, so if you have one, hold on to her. 24 years for us.
I like to take my chances if i have something coming...I intercept and when she asks what is it or tries to figure it out, I always say it must be from dad and run into my den...lol
She knows better and laughs...next thing you know I'm buying something for her or she orders from rachel ray :knothead: dohhh the agony!!
Well my wife has gotten used to long boxes showing up at the door but they are normally golf clubs. My Pay Pal account is nomrally my golf lub fune, buying and selling golf clubs I almost always have a healthy balance in there. I did dip into it a bit to buy my Samick talon and a bunch of Eastons.
I never take from the house funds and my kids don't go without. With that said, if I feel a little guilty I send the little lady on a weekend trip now and then without kids and all is well. But, lately she has shut me down because she thinks I need to shoot the bows I have before getting anymore. Now if I want a different bow, I have too sell one first. :rolleyes:
You know, I really don't like the "ask" and "beg" parts of this question. If you have to "ask" permission or "beg" to buy something, then lack of a new bow isn't the problem you need to address.
The wife and I tease each other about money spent, but I can't think fo when "ask" or "beg" was part of the conversation. We let each other know about expenses to avoid problems with the checking account, and we both act like adults with our purchases. I would go buy a pair of sunglasses and tell her later so we don't overspend, but I wouldn't go trade my truck in without the two of us talking aout how that fit into the family finances.
Maybe I'm not the guy to answer this question... :)
"act like adults"....ok, now I'm starting to figure out my problem.
:smileystooges:
Great question! :) I have been buying archery kit for a long time now and I have been guilty of all of the above at one time or another. Luckily my wife is also an archer so that helps somewhat but she does not have the collectors "disease" like I do.
Recently I ordered a new Border Black Douglas ILF riser and HexV limbs without "permission". I decided to come clean and during the conversation blurted out "but I will sell some gear to pay for it"! So, spent the last few weeks flogging kit on 8bay to cover the cost. Don't know what I will do next time? LOL
My wife and I have an understanding. Both of us work and both share in the day to day expenses and we both put a little in savings each pay. We talk over any large purchases. She's the one who convinced me to go a head and order my Great Plains this year. She's a great gal. It may be due to the fact that we both had been married before and have tried to take better care of the relationship this time.
We've been married 14 years. At one time I was teasing her about the many pairs of shoes she has. I told her she only had two feet and could only use one pair at a time. She asked me how many bows and guns I needed as I could shoot one at a time. I decided I needed to stop talking.
i sat here reading all these posts,and you guys are very fortunate to have your wives and these types of problems. i was only married 7 years and i was able to buy just about what ever i wanted. yes bills came first then the kids and then her then myself. well now i'm divorced with no asking if i can get this or that,but do miss these kind of problems yeah you might laugh. but it's true being single has it's advantages but also disadvantages also. my advice to you just be up front and tell her,don't beat around the bush and don't try and hide it,you just might regret it or it may even eat at you.so do the right thing and you know what that is.just my 2 cents worth,rich in pa.
You can ship it to my work if you like. :-)
My wife has her bank accounts and I have mine. I have no idea how much money she has and she doesn't know how much I have. As long as the bills are paid and nothing is lacking I don't care what she buys nor she me.
No asking forgiveness or permission.
"You can only run the forgiveness scam so many times!!! "
You can run it as many times as you can afford as it gets more expensive each time, LOL.
Honesty and being straight up is the only way to go if you expect your marriage to last.
what she don't know won't hurt her.
DeoreDX sounds like mountain bike components!
Allan
Never took or ever will take money from the "Family Account" Always use scrap money for buying . Sell a bow and buy a bow. Then make sure it gets mailed USPO. Go to your local Post Office and tell them to hold it for you until you come and sign for it! :biglaugh:
When I want to buy something, new bow, hunting items or whatever, my wife says if you want it then buy it! She likes to go with me on outdoor adventures/excursions and also loves to go to Cabelas! (Bonus) I watched her drop $300 in fifteen minutes in there last Sunday afternoon and more than half of it was for me! :bigsmyl:
QuoteOriginally posted by rastaman:
They are all shipped to my business address! ;)
This is what I do. :readit: Works exceedingly well. :bigsmyl:
My wife has no personal interest in my hobbies. I have been down the road where she expressed her dissatisfaction but I reminded her that I don't drink, smoke, run around on her, buy expensive cars/motorcycles/boats, or even "hang out with boys" very much. I don't believe in asking permission but I do like to have her on board - it just makes getting clean socks and hot meals easier. I also don't believe in needing forgiveness for getting something I want with the money I worked hard to earn. All that to say this:
I've done it both ways, told her before it came and I've let it be a surprise. I like to mix it up a little from time to time. Keeps her on her toes :D .
If my wife truly believed I needed her permission or forgiveness we'd have been in counseling yesterday. That won't stop her from having an opinion - and I guess she's got a right to that - and I'll usually consider that opinion as well.
Buddy... I have been caught and it is no fun! I sell stuff to buy stuff and still get in trouble for it, LOL!!